Only Under Pressure Do Diamonds Form
by lightrain
Summary: Under the strain of an unexpected illness, TC grows closer and an unlikely relationship forms Max and Alec.
1. Chapter 1: Where did that come from?

Disclaimer: Dark Angel and all original characters and original plotlines are not mine

Background: Story takes place right after final episode of DA, and all relationship statuses and most plotlines hold true

Chapter 1: Where Did That Come From?

He strummed his fingers loudly against the meeting table, a plank on cinder blocks that everyone had designated the meeting table owing to it's close vicinity to Max's office.

He sighed, shifting restlessly as he slouched even lower into the chair. Alec knew, even without looking up, that Max was craftily darting him poisonous glances between handing out orders for the latest recon mission for medical supplies and food and, most importantly, the coveted Tryptophan supplies.

Usually, he would have been inclined to look her straight in the eye and display his signature smirk, as part of his usual rebel persona. The constant verbal and physical struggle between the two was notoriously wonderful entertainment and gossip around TC.

But today, he felt strange. He felt particularly irritated and tired, for no particular reason, and the sighs he gave involuntarily were, for once, not staged for Max's irritation and his amusement.

He shifted his weight again, and a faint wave of buzzing and blindness struck him.

_Whoa. Where did that come from?_ Suddenly, sounds reemerged from the buzzing background that he didn't realize he had blocked out, in particular a shrill, curt female voice.

"Alec!" Max snapped, taking the whole table by surprise, "Alec, I know this is not as stimulating as picking up broads, but could you please pay attention so you don't screw up and get your ass caught like every other time!"

Alec winced at the comment, not so much as what was said as the high pitch that sent another wave of buzzing and whiteness in his head. He was dimly aware that Mole, Luke and the others at the table were snickering slightly. Max was driven by the sudden onslaught of responsibility of TC to become increasing short-tempered and "bitchy," the preferred word, though fondly used.

Alec raised up his head and flashed a dazzling smile, completely by force of habit. He was glad he had their whole fight routine memorized, as he used his remaining focus to agonizingly peel himself out of his seat.

_What's wrong with me?_ He forced his smile to stay steady on his face, and steadied himself on the back of the chair.

"I think I've got the mission schematics down Max. And speaking of broads, I actually have a date, so if you don't mind…" Alec managed, and he began walking out of the room as fast as he can without keeling over as the room spun around him.

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Max stood staring after him with her eyes opened wide in disbelief. _The jackass! Where is he going?_ She could feel searing angering burning up inside her. Mentally, she pictured herself beating Alec to a pulp. She knew her face was turning red based on how people at both the table and scattered around the room were staring amusedly at her.

"Uh-hum" she cleared her throat loudly. And proceeded to stare down every curious glance in TC with little effort.

She started to look down at her meeting notes, and opened her mouth to start speaking again, when her head jerked up in reaction to a movement across the room that caught her eye.

It wasn't a dramatic movement, but something that sent a small chill of fear down her spine. She saw Alec's hand reach over and hold slightly to the door frame as if steadying himself. She blinked, watching him step outside.

_Must just be just my eyes. Girl, what are you doing. This is Alec we are talking about. Mr. "I'm always all right"_ Max silently mimicked to herself and rolled her eyes.

She tore her eyes from the door. Luckily, no one at the table was ready for a second stare-down and kept their eyes averted, unaware of her sudden pause.

"Team one, will take scavenge the medical shipments set to arrive at Mercy Memorial at nine tonight. Team two…" Max heard her own voice drone on, but her mind kept on wandering to the grazing of Alec's hand on the frame. A detail insignificant to anyone else continued to replay compulsively in her mind.


	2. Chapter 2: Help me Max?

Chapter 2: Help me Max?

OC glanced up from time to time as Max paced back and forth across the floor of her apartment. OC cocked an eyebrow and gave her girl an inquiring look. Max usually was not usually one to deal with issues in this neurotic manner. Usually "dealing with issues" meant going out and kicking some butt.

Max continued pacing, ignoring OC's stare boring down on her. She knew her own face was contorted to a fierce frown, but she could not seem to break out of her funk. She growled in frustration.

_What the fuck am I doing? Damn it, why am I acting this way._

But she knew why. In the back of her mind, a small voice kept nagging, _there's something wrong with Alec, there's something with with Alec, there's something wrong with Alec… _

_THERE'S NOT!_ she silently yelled back at herself, then upon seeing OC jump on the couch, realized she had yelled the words aloud as well.

OC, still mystified but afraid to interrupt lest Max implodes, finally grew crazy with impatience. "Boo! What are you doing?" in a tone mixed with agitation and concern.

Max looked at her hesitantly, uncertain of whether she should spill her thoughts, when even to herself, they seemed ridiculous.

She sighed. She and OC had made plans to hang out that night, after a hard-fought battle to steal time away from meeting the endless demands of TC. Instead, she was wasting away her time and good mood on that screw-up!

But the scene this afternoon had alarmed some part of her highly-evolved transgenic instincts, and would not be quieted. She knew she would never be able to relax until she went over to his apartment, made sure he was okay, then gave him a good ass-kicking for daring to disturb her peace of mind.

Max looked at OC with apologetic eyes. "Hey girl sorry but I've got to run out on you for a bit I've got something to take care of I'll be right back I promise!" Max mumbled in one breath, as she raced out the door, not giving OC a chance to reply.

_I'll explain when I get back. We can have a good laugh about it later,_ Max consoled herself after abruptly ditching her best friend. She hopped on her baby, then took off at full speed, almost knocking down several pedestrians in the alleyway. She gritted her teeth as she caught faint obscenities being thrown at her from behind. _The sooner this stupid errand is over, the better. _

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Alec stared down at his hand with a growing dread. Though his facial expression, by habit, took on the soldier-like mask of calmness, his eyes widened in despair.

_Shit Shit Shit!_ His hand was shaking uncontrollably, and despite his transgenic strength, he could not hold it still. Alec felt the tremors spreading up his arm, threatening to overtake his body.

_Not now! Not like this!_ His vision soon blurred, the buzzing in his ears grew louder.

He knew what seizures were. He had seen several of the young manticore children suddenly drop to the floor convulsing grotesquely. The disciplinarians at Manticore had simply dismissed them as weak, flawed soldiers. They all disappeared. And no questions were asked.

Max later informed him of the X-5 seretonin deficiency and their constant need for Tryptophan. Why? Probably to keep him alive so that she could kill him herself. He remembered how disgusted he felt to find out that Manticore had always provided them with Tryptophan, in secret, as part of its hold over its expensive, invaluable soldiers.

_But I took the pills! What is going on! _His thoughts raced wildly, panic and seizure building upon each other. He had hoped to never experience a seizure, and followed the dosage regiment religiously. It is among his worst nightmares to become a helpless trembling defect in front of others.

The first isolated spasm shook his body. Alec's heart thumped brutally against his chest. _It's getting worse. _A smaller, pitiful voice whispered, _And there's no one here.,. _

_WEAKNESS!. Never show weakness. _His training kicked into gear admist the mental chaos. _Fear nothing, not even death. _He almost sagged in relief, knowing that whatever his end, he could at least meet it with dignity now.

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Pounding. Pounding. His head was pounding. Pounding against the floor? No, he was on the floor, but something else was pounding. Alec opened his eyes, startled and confused.

_What am I doing on the floor?_ He assessed the situation. _I must have blacked out._ Then later, came the thought, _But I'm still here_…

The pounding continued, louder and more ominous than before. And other sounds. Alec could not make them out at first, then caught the broken phrase "I know…in there… your bike…here!"

_MAX!_ Alec groaned miserably. _What is she doing here, of all the times! She's never here! _

He cruelly jerked himself up to sit upright, almost crying out in pain, every muscle in his body trembling with effort. He tested out his limbs gingerly. For the moment at least the spasms had subsided.

Alec closed his eyes. _Now if only Max would go away as well._ He held his breath and listened. But no such luck. The pounding continued, "ALEC, you asshole! I heard you! I don't care who you've got in there. I need to talk to you NOW!"

Alec clenched his teeth. He hated her. He hated her for doing this to him. He was practically crawling to the door for fuck's sake! Slowly, he pulled himself up by the door handle. He sighed and plastered on his signature smirk, and cracked open the door.

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Max did not know why she had become so mad.

At first, when Alec did not answer the door, she grew worried. "Are you okay?" She knocked at the door. But when she heard faint shuffling sounds inside, her cheeks began blazing with anger.

_He's avoiding me!_ _I came all the way here to check on him and the asshole is ignoring me!_ Before she knew it, she was violently pounding the door, screaming at him.

After endless rounds of pounding, the door suddenly opened, catching Max off guard, and her hand half-way frozen in the air. Alec's smirking head popped out, and for a second she contemplated changing the trajectory and slapping Alec instead.

"Hello Max," he drawled casually, as though she had not just been assaulting his door just a moment before.

Max narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to give him a verbal tongue lashing, when Alec interrupted her again in all his arrogant charm, "So, you couldn't stand to be away from me for even one night? I knew that my date tonight would be distracting for you, but my dates are always open for three." He winked.

Max was so steamed, she literally had to restrain herself from stamping her feet. "Alec, you are…" Her voice trailed off, her anger immediately dissipating, a feeling of dread taking its place.

She stared at his hand pushing against the door frame. It was shaking slightly. Her instinct drew her eyes to examine his face. In the dim lighting of the defunct hallway, she realized for the first time that he looked pasty and extremely tired. Alec eyed her with suspicion.

"You had a seizure," Max stated as coldly as she could, while emotions raged within her. She wanted to gasp in horror and cry and scream. She wanted to blow up Manticore ten times over. She wanted to drag Alec into the hospital unit of TC immediately. But instead, all she said was "You had a seizure."

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Alec fought to keep his smirk in place, but now the edges of his mouth were involuntarily pulling his fake smile down, as though he was too weak from his ordeal to even maintain a facial feature.

So she guessed it. Despite all his bravado and show, she nailed it on the first try. "You had a seizure," she said emotionlessly. Alec knew Max cared about him but was too prideful to actually show she worried about him. Their constant, superficial banter did not help things.

She looked at him expectantly. _But what does she expect me to do? To break down and say "Help me Max?" _Alec felt scared and wanted help, but his pride refused to let him be the first to admit weakness.

"O yeah," he dismissed Max's comment with a roll of the eyes, "I forgot to take my pills last time."

Max's fierce glance searched him again, as if confirming his statement. Whether she was satisfied that he was telling the truth or sensed that they had butted heads and reached an impasse, he did not care.

All that was important to him in the moment was that she turned away and stalked down the hallway, as suddenly, another spasm wracked his body.

He could hear her voice faintly as he slid down to the ground, "Stop being such an idiot Alec, and just remember to take the damn Tryptophan."

_I did_, Alec thought bitterly to himself. His hands fell to his side, and the door swung slightly wider ajar, revealing a table with several empty milk cartons and a recently emptied bottle of Tryptophan.

_But it's not working_, he finished his thought, as another spasm engulfed him, as though giving confirmation.

His eyes, now dull and dark, stared aimlessly into the dark corridor, no longer panicking, no longer fighting.


	3. Chapter 3: Not Enough to Want It

A/N: Thank you for your reviews! It's a wonderful community that I have stumbled upon! This chapter is a little short and all about Alec's thoughts because I felt that Dark Angel never did Alec justice in exploring his psych to the extent that his character deserved.

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Chapter 3: Not Enough to Want It

He remembered sitting there for hours, motionless, unknowing of how much time had passed, uncaring of how much time would pass. The spasms came, one after the other. There was so much pain, he could feel blood in his mouth from biting to keep from crying out.

Alec refused to cry out for help. The unabating seizures had set off a spectacular and terrible avalanche within him, triggering a horrifying recounting of his life that for once he did not try to, could not suppress.

He had come to recognize seizures only briefly through watching others suffer the fate. But somewhere in that pain-dulled, yet eternally alert mind of his, Alec knew he would probably die from this. It was the same realization that chilled him to the quick that fateful night not long ago, when he spared Max's life.

But there would be no wild thrashing this time around, no desperate clinging, no hopeless floundering.

He would sink.

This time, he would allow himself to sink willingly, allowing the waves of regrets to crush down upon him, allowing the undertow of Manticore nightmares to pull him under.

No one knew the depths of his depression after Rachel died. Not even himself.

Alec smiled sadly.

She had lit a fire within him he never thought he could feel before. On missions, he had always looked upon couples holding hands passing by, looking with Manticore-instilled disdain and mistrust for human weakness and mindless allegiances.

But despite his disgust, it had happened to him anyways.

How could Manticore teach its children to fight when it never showed them anything worth fighting for? His love for life, for her, had burned so bright, that when he lost her, nothing else in life could replace the sustenance of true love he craved. Nothing else could ever satisfy the fire.

And so little by little, with every empty attempt at happiness after her, the glow grew weaker. And when she died, the flame finally flickered out.

He tried to embrace living again. And in his awkward grasps, he caught some ghostly semblances of the intoxicating love he once knew. A masochistic friendship with the beautiful Max, but a true friendship nonetheless. And a vague sense of belonging, of feeling needed by the faceless, listless transgenic underground.

It was enough for him to decide to live. But not enough to want it.

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After some time, Alec vaguely felt strong arms lifting him up. He knew out of his mind's eye that Joshua was carrying him, and that his friend's face was creased deeply with worry. But he could not bring himself to open his eyes, to offer a sign of reassurance.

He would allow himself to sink willingly.

He was paying penance for a lifetime of killing and destroying.

He was resting after a lifetime of fighting and struggling.


	4. Chapter 4: Always the Dance

A/N: I know that sometimes the story and my chapters seem to run a little slow, and maybe some are wondering when the plotline of Alec's sickness will be revealed, but

This story is more based on Max and Alec's psychological growth toward each other, although the pace and action scenes will pick up in the near future. Thanks for reading!

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Chapter 4: Always the Dance

Max stood, with both hands steeled at her hips, her mouth pursed into a grim frown. The meeting commission had been dancing quietly around the fact that one chair was conspicuously unfilled at the table and one voice was blatantly missing from the discussion.

Alec had been head of Training and Defense, one of the most vital posts in TC. And as much as they tried work around his absence, everything right now –food, medication, water and electricity –everything was frustratingly linked to defense and security.

She breathed in and out slowly, but silently, loathing to reveal her distress

_Alec probably had a few bad rounds of seizures last night, so he's probably somewhere trying to self-medicate with a bottle of scotch,_ Max attempted to coax herself out of her angry funk.

_He did look so horrible last night_, a little voice lamented. _But it is just like that fuck-up to forget to take his pills when he knows TC is in such critical juncture_, Max argued, giving Alec a verbal ass-kicking for making her feel sorry for him.

"Okay," Max decidedly changing the subject occupying her mind, "Gracie, I need to know about the intelligence situation regarding our surveillance," her eyes gratefully wandering to the excited gaze of a young X-5 with amazing electronics background. "The cameras that we acquired last…" Someone tapped her nervously on the shoulder.

She whirled around, baring teeth. "What!" Max screamed before being able to censor herself in front of a hurt and startled Tinga. Everyone at the table cringed, but grinned at each other.

Tinga softly looked at the TC members sitting at the table spying on them unabashedly, debating whether to continue. Max, noting her hesitation, but too wound up to care about etiquette, nodded crudely to Tinga, giving permission.

"It's Alec," Tinga. Max's breath caught. "He's in the infirmary. Dix is on the phone."

Max stalked out of the confused and absolutely silent room without another word, her boots pummeling into the concrete ground. _What the fuck has he done now_! She cursed, but her heart thumping rampantly in her chest betrayed her anxiety.

"Dix," Max rasped into the makeshift phone system, trying to even out her shaking voice. "What happened? Listen, I visited him last night and –"

"MAX!" the voice on the other end was almost hysterical. "I don't know what's wrong with him! You have to come over now! He's having seizures. I can't stop them. And. And. And…"

Max's eyes widened, as she finished the dreadful sentence at the same time Dix finally managed to blurt out the words.

_The pills are not working_.

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Max frantically blurred to the infirmary, her limbs pumping frantically, her breathing coming fierce and harsh, though not due to exertion.

For the first time since the Joshua's flag was raised up over TC, she felt lost and completely helpless. For the first time since Ben's death, she felt the same indescribable madness building up inside of her, suffocating her.

I can never protect those I care about. Care about.

Max slammed head first into a pedestrian transhuman, knocking him a clear four feet across the sidewalk. She barely blinked, and simply turned and blurred away, completely oblivious to the hoards of turning heads in response to her erratic behavior.

Last night's meeting with Alec vividly exploded within her mind.

"_O yeah. I forgot to take my pills last time" Alec replies nonchalantly, smiling his wily smile. _

"_Stop being such an idiot Alec, and just remember to take the damn Tryptophan."_

"_Take the damn Tryptophan…" I said that to him_, Max thought. It had been her cowardly gesture of concern, as useless and conceited as she knew it now seemed.

Max had paced up and down the sidewalk in front of Alec's apartment last night, after she symbolically slammed the outside door.

She had suspected that something was off-kilter about Alec last night. Alec had put up a damned good act as always, but it was a long way from flawless. He was sickly pale and he leaned on the doorframe much more heavily than his familiar, trademark lean.

She knew the importance Alec puts on appearances. She knew how much he reviled displays of weakness from himself. She even admitted that Alec was steadfastly devoted to TC. He would never let himself go into seizure.

Last night, she had been torn between going back up to check on him and deserting him to his own misery, usually brought on by his legendary magnetism for trouble. So she paced.

The first option meant admitting that she worried about him, exposing her pride to the brunt of his relentless teasing and endless innuendos. The second option meant a sleepless night of convincing herself that her irritating instincts of concern were wrong.

So she chose the latter. Just as he had pretended nothing was wrong, so she pretended she did not care.

It was the same dance they always danced. The same scene that replayed itself out hopelessly again and again since their meeting not even one year ago.

"_Are you all right?" _

"_I'm always all right."_

Max sighed tiredly.

_It's always the dance. _


	5. Chapter 5: Neither One Knew

Chapter 5: Neither One Knew

In the infirmary, X-634 kept her eyes downward as she delivered the news, unable to bear the intense upheaval in their normally collected leader.

"It appears something got into his blood stream, some type of enzyme that breaks down the tryptophan he takes in as soon, before his body can get to it."

X-634 glanced up quickly, slightly relieved that her commander's eyes were focused instead on the room of TC's most famous transgenic at the moment, a hazy and longing look within them. Suddenly, those eyes snapped back to attention to the lab tech. X-634 flinched involuntarily.

"Can you fix him," Max almost whispered, her eyes once again on the same door, though this time Max knew it was a cover for her frantically pounding heartbeat within her chest, she felt sick. Sick with the sense of something horrible coming.

"We don't know" X-634 preemptively flinched again, but upon a lack of immediate reaction from Max's part, appeared to gain some momentum and continued "it does not appear to be breaking down or being excreted, and is likely man-made. Very high grade stuff...somehow it got into his blood"

*Flashback* Three days ago...

_"Don't worry about it Max," Alec looked amusedly at his usually fiery counterpart who was currently gentlely exploring a four-inch knife gash across his palm, "It's just a little cut, nothing to cry over."_

_Max proceeded to make a disgusted face, none-too-gently throwing his hand down. "I told you not to get hurt. Do you ever listen to anything I say?" She stalked closer to Alec, who put up his hands in defense, still smirking amusedly. "Maxie, I told you, I don't know what happened. During the scouting, some familiars caught onto our scent somehow, we only did what we needed to to get away."_

_Irrationally, Max turned on her heels and still huffed and crossed her arms, she could not help but feel her heart ache painfully at the sight of his already-healing wound. Suddenly she felt his arms around hers, his head leaning over the crook of her neck, "Come on Maxie..." his voice sugary sweet. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips._

*End Flashback*

X-634 had been holding her breath in anticipation, but finally blurted out, "Max, I don't know what to do, we need help. The equipment, the laboratory supplies..."

Max looked at her, though more like through her, and nodded quietly, "I'll get what you need," slowly gravitating toward Alec's room.

Dix, standing silent through the painful exchange, gently held Max back by her shoulder. "Max listen...even if we could find an antidote...what I mean is...the time it takes...and Alec's condition..." By the time she got to the last sentence, Dix was choking on the emotions threatening to escape. "What I mean is..."

Without looking back at Dix, Max laid a hand over hers and pushed open the door.

The atmosphere inside the room was claustrophobic. The waterstained bare grey walls, the omnipresent dampness that seeped deep into one's core, the darkness of corners with a single sickly yellow ceiling light; in the hard struggle to find supplies post-Pulse, it was an unfortunate replication of a similar basement burned within Max's memory.

In the center of the room was an old metal framed bed, and on that bed was a single occupant, currently curled into himself and breathing fitfully and erratically.

Max stepped closer, a feeling of nausea rising up in her throat. Sweat covered his pale face, his eyes closed, arms pulled up to his chest, his threadbare t-shirt sticking haphazardly to his body which was trembling sporadically with weak tremors.

Those hazel eyes opened slowly.

DADADADADADADADADADADADADA

Panic. Trying as he might to keep his breathing and heart beat steady, his emotional agony was suddenly unbearable. Never had anyone seen him in such a sorry state before, and he always swore that had it ever come to this, he would end it himself before he would ever let that happen.

And here he was, sniveling and cowering to a pain he could not control, like some grotesque creature being put on display. All he felt was shame. How many years had he toiled to be the perfect soldier, unyielding and impenetrable? How many years had he been forced to deny himself the luxury to feel hurt and fear?

But he had no dignity left under her stare. From now on, there was nowhere that he could ever hide again from her. He felt tears threatening at his eyes. But he still had to try didn't he?

"Max...xie" he half gasped, attempting a painful smile. "So I guess...you've heard the good...news."

Max looked down at him, an indescribable look in her eyes.

The tension grew. Alec tried again, his voice now tinged with desperation, "Maxie, I -"

"How could you be so stupid!" Max's voice boomed in the small room, "Why didn't you tell me! I am so mad. So mad!" she ranted, though by this time, to Alec's great surprise, her words came out in sobs and tears started streaming down her cheeks.

Max fell to her knees, her eyes level with his. In her own shame at her weakness, she turned away but Alec weakly reached out and held her face toward his. His chest felt heavy with sympathy, but also tight with hope at her words.

A familiar ominous buzzing was once again taking over his senses, and along with it the bitter knowledge of impending torment. _Please not here, not while she's here._

"God, Max -" was all he managed before his body was once again wracked by spasms. Through the haze of his own screams and distress, he realized somehow she had slipped into bed with him and wrapped her arms around his body. Minutes passed, and Alec could feel himself at the edge of delirium with pain and oxygen deprivation. Let this be over, please, please. Still the seizure raged.

Then finally, little by little, it went away, leaving them both breathless and drained, motionless in bed except his rapid gasping as he tried to still himself. His eyes remained closed.

Tired, Alec was so tired. He could no longer bring himself to care that he was supposed to play the role of Max's platonic friend, or that he was a Manticore-trained soldier without any flaws. _Breathe, Breathe, Breathe._ He clumsily grabbed at Max's hands with his own and held them against his chest in a vise-like grip.

Alec opened his eyes again and stared into hers, his face wan and strained. This time he did not say a word. The enormity of what he wanted to say was too great. And he was too tired.

He wanted to tell her how much he would miss her. How much he feared what the ending would be for him. How he wished he had more time. Instead, Alec looked hopelessly at her and swallowed difficultly, pulling himself back from that familiar abyss and once again offering himself the old despised deal of accepting what they had now to be good enough.

But Max saw the sudden blankness of his expression, and tightened her hands around his as well, jarring Alec from his reverie. She leaned towards him, pressing her forehead against his, her watery eyes brazen with emotion.

And so they just held onto each other, in the dark tiny room, bodies tense and afraid to move, waiting for what neither one knew.


	6. Chapter 6: Against all reason

Chapter 6: Against all reason

"Doc," one of the laboratory X-6's who had thankfully made the pilgrimage to TC after the scatter, was staring intensely down the lens of an old beat-up microscope. Mostly, it was a deliberate attempt to ignore the burning sensation on her back. The burning caused by a pair of dark brown eyes focusing their collective energies directly on the spot between her shoulders.

It had been one day since Alec entered the infirmatory, and the sadly equipped TC laboratory was rumbling with activity. But Doc knew as well as anyone, the activity was one of desperation.

The tension of Alec's rapidly declining health was causing everyone in the lab, and in TC in general, to move for the sake of moving, to buzz and fidget uncontrollably to use up the huge reserve of excess worry and anxiety.

They were spinning their wheels, Doc knew this sadly. Alec had grown considerably weaker within just the last twenty four hours, coming in and out, no longer distinguishing between consciousness and his own fever-fueled nightmares. Horrible screams emenated from his room on a cycle of every few hours as seizures assaulted him again and again.

Max for the most part had stayed with him, emerging only to check on the progress of the laboratory outside.

Her eyes red from tiredness and harshly denied tears, Max stood with arms crossed and stared motionlessly as the transhumans and transgenics mulled anxiously around her, careful to avoid her out of fear that they might be the one to finally forced to voice Alec's death sentence to their beloved leader.

So the pretense and subterfuge in the lab continued, the tension building higher and higher, until the air was too thick to breath in, the atmosphere too heavy to move under.

Then, suddenly, there was a release.

Max dropped her head and closed her eyes, nodded lightly to herself as a sad wistful smile flitted across her face. As though the whole room had not just been watching her, as though she was not the impressive anointed leader of this young nation, she silently stepped out of the room without another word.

_DarkAngel DarkAngel DarkAngel DarkAngel DarkAngel DarkAngel_

Her steps padded down the familiar hallway, as her fingers ran lightly along the railing of the staircase.

_Was it only a month ago that I was here?_ Max thought wistfully. _Was it only a month that I was on my own, and free? Without the responsibilities that are now crushing me mercilessly?_

She touched the surface of the door before her, and placed her cheek against the smooth wood, listening for the sounds of the man that she has loved for so long.

She could see the glow from his desk light from beneath the door, and hear the gentle rhythmic clicking of his keyboard inside. Her vision began to grow blurry.

_Was it only a month ago that I could easily walk into this apartment, my heart peaceful and comfortable in my love for him?_

Max knocked quickly, before she could descend too deep into her misery that she could not pull herself back out.

Logan's handsome, kind face appeared in the crack of the door. He looked surprised and hurt and happy all at once.

They had lost track of each other over the past weeks, the government barricade around TC interrupting all reasonable flow into TC and out into the world. Max heard his heartfelt pleas on behalf of the transgenic people though the several working radios and television sets Alec had managed to mysteriously acquisition.

She remembered feeling moved and grateful at his loyalty and nobility.

But those times were far and in between, while in the meantime, time passed at a frenetic pace as the inhabitants of TC frantically fought to stave off starvation and brutal military assualts.

"Logan" her voice came out strangled. Max tried again.

"Logan. I need your help."

A flash of excitement and affection graced his features. Max could almost feel the unspoken hope in his mind, while at the same time a pang of regret went through hers, knowing her real mission would inevitably upset him.

"Alec is very sick, it's the seizures…"

A shadow of jealousy on his face, then it was gone.

"We don't have the resources to find out what is wrong with him."

A flicker of disappointment, then it was gone.

With gloved hands, Max pressed a vial of Alec's blood into Logan's hand. Logan peered down at the vial with a dazed, surreal expression. Max thought from the look on his face that it had hurt him just to touch it.

And perhaps it had.

Logan looked back up, collected himself, and forced a bittersweet smile that was still genuine, in a way only Logan could.

"Of course Max, I'll get right on it."

Max nodded slowly.

She loved Logan in that moment.

Suddenly, the impulse was too strong and she threw her arms around him, careful to avoid his skin, and pulled him into a tight embrace, as he returned the same.

But Max withdrew just as quickly, unable to look at his eyes that she knew must be filled with confusion.

"Take care of yourself Logan," Max murmured softly as she walked away.

Seeing him now, Max felt different somehow. She had feared coming back to Logan for fear that she would never want to return to TC, with all the turmoil and despair that awaited her there. But she found that she did not feel this way. And it was not as hard as she envisioned to pull back from their embrace.

Logan was a good man. The best she had ever known. He loved her entirely and steadfastly. He had worn down her defenses and soothed her hurt. He was truly the one that saved her from the bitter, lonely life she was carving out for herself. And for that, Max was not sure she could ever repay him.

And yet…she still walked away. Her footsteps stronger and heavier than she remembered.

_DarkAngel DarkAngel DarkAngel DarkAngel DarkAngel DarkAngel_

Before long, she was back in that room, sitting with her back against the wall, her face lighted only by the dim moonlight, staring at the silhoutte of the tortured, sleeping figure before her.

Max's heart pumped painfully inside her, _ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum_.

She felt sad.

Hopeless.

She felt alone.

She had left a man whom she had once loved and still loved, only to be by the side of another man that may or may not survive, that may or may not love her.

Max wanted to cry and chuckle at the cruel irony of it all.

But no matter how irrational and precarious the choice she has made for herself, no matter how absurd it all seemed…all at once, Max was overcome with a strange clairvoyant peace that had eluded her for so long.

She was where she wanted to be.

_What is the reason that we will forever align ourselves with one person and not another?_

_Even when in doing so, we go against all reason?_

She brushed his damp hair aside, as he unconsciously turned into her hand. Max looked down at Alec's still form, his feverish breath warm against her skin.

_In the end, what are the ties that truly bind us?_


End file.
